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Lesson on Integrity: Studio Ownership Week 3

It’s week 3 since opening Auke Bay Yoga’s doors and I am finally coming up for air and reflecting. While there have been bumps and kinks as we get systems figured out the opening of our community yoga shala has been infused with so much light and beauty. The enthusiasm of our teaching team, the courage of our students to try something new and the co-creation of it all has been truly joyful. I am SO GRATEFUL.

Now, pausing to reflect, I have a few personal lessons to share (maybe you will relate and see some of yourself here). Once again I’m learning how sneaky my shadows can be. They do not like to be out in the light because when they are revealed and clear they often look so silly. Lately, as I reverted to some hustling, doing and go-go-going to get Auke Bay Yoga’s doors open to my recovering perfectionist standards some of my shadows crept right on in and confronted my integrity which is my number one value. Thus, I’m committing to some course corrections.

What did these shadows look like?

  1. People pleasing

  2. Perfectionism

  3. Hustling and grinding away into the wee hours to make it perfect

  4. Equating my self-worth with the number of students coming through the door

  5. Not holding my boundaries like I said I would

  6. Not doing what I said I would

  7. And who knows where even more blind spots may lay

And what is behind these very typical shadow driven behaviors? “What if they don’t come back? What if they don’t like us? What if they are too hot? What if they are too cold? What if they don’t have a perfect experience? Will they leave us/me? Will our teachers stay? Will students come back? Will there be enough money to pay bills and break even? Will they think we are a covid super-spreader place? Will Auke Bay Yoga fail?”

See how silly shadows are when we shine a light on them?

While our systems at Auke Bay Yoga are mostly going great, there are some areas where things have gotten a bit murky and messy and I can see where I am 100% responsible for the breakdown and was allowing my shadows to influence my leadership. I’m realizing that in my desire to people-please and make it perfect I was bending over backwards and being wishy-washy and I want to clean this up. At Auke Bay Yoga we are so committed to trustworthiness, integrity and healthy boundaries even when it’s hard to implement.

Here are the gems I am finding as I sift through the experience of the last few weeks:

  1. Integrity is doing what we say we will do. When we don’t do what we say we are going to do, our community can’t trust us. So if the schedule says it's a hot class, the heat will be on so that our students can count on exactly what to expect. Because we have a clear cancellation policy, we need to uphold a fee for late cancellations. . . I can see I have been wishy washy on this. It’s a learning experience for me and all of us. It’s so hard to say no or yes sometimes!

  2. Perfectionism leads to burn out and resentment. Nobody needs that energy, especially in yoga. It is time for me to let that shit go!

  3. Codependency for a teacher or studio owner can look like measuring self-worth on how many people show up on any given day for class. True integrity is never questioning my worthiness or sacredness no matter what people around me do or don’t do. Period. It’s time for me to realign with this truth.

All in all I am thankful for the lessons and the hard stuff. For example, even though it was SO HARD getting covid on day two of being open, it was a gift where universe sent me home and put me to bed so that Auke Bay Yoga could unfold and flourish . . . and I could learn right of the bat that I can trust our incredible team and there is no need to micromanage. I am thankful to my shadows for bringing me lessons on resiliency vs. perfectionism, trustworthiness, worthiness and healthy boundaries. So much and it’s only month 1! Thank you all for allowing for vulnerability here, yours and mine. I hope to see you soon on the mat! -Lindsey

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